So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
