two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
