she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
