I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
