It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
