Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
