I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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