Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize