We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
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