You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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