So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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