Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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