By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
