yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Banned from zoo.
Again?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
