My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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