Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I have aggressive nipples.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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