My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
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