i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
