How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
