life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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