he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
