a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
