Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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