No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
