Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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