that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
