a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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