my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
