hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
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