im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
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