I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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