Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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