I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
