just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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