I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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