What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Randomize
