ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
