You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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