i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
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When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
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Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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