Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
