Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
