You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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