i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
