Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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