What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
