My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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