I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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