FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
