oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
