Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
