She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
