Sacagawea was the original milf.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Boobs are out for the taking
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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