I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
