We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
