I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
We named our party play list daddy issues
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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