Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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