I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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