You surviving the open bar?
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She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Pants are for mortals
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