He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
