giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
