I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
