I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
