you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
