Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
