Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
