Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
