I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
