this beer tastes like vomit already
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
PS: I just woke up from my shower
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize