dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
We got so high we made milksteak
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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