Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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