i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
