There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Randomize
