I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
