She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
