My sheets look like a crime scene.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
