im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
