I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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