help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
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