She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
