last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
