How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
